Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
