He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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