i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
