Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
