just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
