Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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