I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
