I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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