I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what day is it and did you see me today?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
