If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
