if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
