Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
