This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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