jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
