Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
