Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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