he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
