Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
