i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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