Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
