At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
