I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
