Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i think i just lost a toe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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