I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
