i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
