gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
