That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize