You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
