Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
