Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
