There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
