i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
