im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
