ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
