Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
