there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
