My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
