The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
