He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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