I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
