What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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