Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
