I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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