I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
