I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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