Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
