dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
