Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
