Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
