Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
