3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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