So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
