He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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