After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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