sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
