Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
