Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
