You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
