i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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