So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize