I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize