Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Let's get the cat blown out
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
