brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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