Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...

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(408): View more from California

Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.

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(408): View more from California

He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!

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(770): View more from Georgia

You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.

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(407): View more from Florida

Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.

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(941): View more from Florida

I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night

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(360): View more from Washington

No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules

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