Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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