best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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