I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
