So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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