Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
