i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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