I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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