yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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