theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
