I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
