I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
