You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
