sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
