Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
