Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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