She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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