I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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