I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
