so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize