Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
