Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
