the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize