Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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