Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
