If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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