to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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