she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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