She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
