I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There's always time for handjobs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
